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Writer's pictureSvetlana Orit Taub

When Kids Lie: How to Respond with Compassion, Not Punishment

The other day, my son told me he had finished his homework, but when I checked, it wasn’t done. My first reaction was frustration, but then I realized: lying is often a signal of something deeper.


Adlerian Principle: Children lie to avoid punishment or disappointment, or to feel important. The goal is not to punish, but to help them feel safe being honest.


Practical Tips for Addressing Lies:


1. Focus on the reason, not the lie: Ask, “Why did you feel like you couldn’t tell me the truth?”

2. Avoid punishment: Instead of reacting with anger, use it as a chance to teach. “It’s okay to make mistakes, but let’s talk about being honest next time.”

3. Model honesty: Be a role model for truthfulness in your daily interactions with them.


Ending with Hope: Lying doesn’t mean your child is “bad.” It’s a phase they can outgrow when they feel secure enough to be honest with you.

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