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Writer's pictureSvetlana Orit Taub

What to Do When Kids Start Fighting – and How to Stop Being the Referee at Home

A regular afternoon at home. I’m in the living room, trying to relax a bit, but suddenly there are screams from the other room. My two daughters, each pulling a toy to her side. The tension rises, and I intervene to stop the fight. But as soon as I leave, it happens again. Sounds familiar?


Adlerian Principle: Sibling fights are not just about the toy or personal space, but a manifestation of competition for attention and a place in the family. Our constant intervention only strengthens their struggle for power and attention.


Tips for Handling Sibling Fights:


1. Stay Neutral: Instead of taking sides or judging who’s right, let them resolve the fight themselves. This teaches them problem-solving skills and cooperation.

2. Set Clear Boundaries: If the fight turns violent or harmful, remind them of the rules. “I don’t allow violence at home. You can continue to play together as long as you speak nicely.”

3. Talk Afterwards: After the fight has calmed down, sit with each one separately, help them understand the emotions behind the fight, and share tips for better communication.


Sibling fights are a natural part of family life. But when we help them develop tools to cope on their own, we not only reduce the fights but also build stronger and better relationships between them.

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